Thursday, August 7, 2014

You Become.

While I was in Utah this summer, I visited one of my favorite shops...Dear Lizzie.  It is filled with all kinds of goodies, and so inspiring.   I picked up a couple of gift tags that seemed to touch my soul.  One was this quote from The Velveteen Rabbit.

I mentioned in my last post that I have been struggling again with depression.  I'm going to open up here a little bit more.  After that post, I talked to several women who were struggling, just like me.  Amazing women.  Women who are extremely talented.  Women who can do so many things, but find themselves stuck.  Stuck under a mountain of  "To Do's" and struggling with their self worth because they are there and hardly able to function.

That is where I was, and where I often tend to go.  Whatever the reason we find ourselves in this overwhelming place, I know we can find peace that God knows that we are there, and that He loves us and understands.  And that in His time, if we are willing, he can direct us to healing.

For my physical symptoms, I have found relief with SAM-e (an over the counter supplement that I bought at Sam's Club).  Emotionally, He teaches me how to have healthy boundaries for myself as he puts people and books in my path to teach me how to begin to balance life, and better understand me.

Such as,
The Gifts of Imperfection  and other wonderful books by researcher Brene Brown
Boundaries  by Cloud and Townsend
Hinds feet on high places by Hannah Hurnard
A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson
This video/talk by a modern day apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ...
Like a Broken Vessel

I don't want to overwhelm you with resources, and I know I am not an expert.  But, I can testify that He heals me.  Over and over again.  He knows how to bring me to happiness, and when I let go of trying to control the steering, He shows me how to get there.  I have witnessed Jesus Christ working in the lives of many friends, and leading them to other healing resources as well.  He will do the same for you!  He loves you individually, and knows how to reach YOU!  Divinely inspired truth...may come from different places, but it all comes from the same SOURCE.

Gradually, I better understand myself as I turn to God, and I become more free from those things that are holding me down.  Each time I find myself stuck under a cloud, I am led to learn something new, and I seem to be able to handle my depression better than before.  Even though it is hard...Really hard...I recognize it as a gift of learning.  With my most recent episode, He was letting me know, that it is ok that I can't "do it all" Despite what the world says...  I'm not supposed to.  He turns me away from the world and towards Him so I can let things go and have peace again.  I begin to see His hand in the details of my life, and feel gratitude...which helps me tremendously.  He wants me to give quality time for myself, instead of just for others.  Sometimes, when I get really agitated, it is because I am not caring for me.

He led me to this video, and has inspired me to dig deep within myself to create what I want, and not what I think I need to create.  He helped me dig up my buried desire to learn to paint portraits...just because and for the joy of it.  And He gave me the courage to let go of everything that was keeping me from taking a class and learning.

I know each of us is unique, but we have a lot more in common than we sometimes realize.  And, we all need our Savior to show us the way.  We need to strengthen and encourage one another.

I am trying to learn to love myself in healthy ways.  To slow down, and let things be.  To let things be undone, and to trust God to make up the difference.  To step around the wall of perfection that blocks me from living.  To find beauty in the messes, and inspiration from life.  Learning to be real, and to really live.

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